What a week....

I wonder why it is that even though we might be absolutely utterly exhausted and in need of spending the weekend in our smelly pits of a bed, we women or maybe it's just me, suddenly have this unshakable urge to tidy up and rearrange the house all of a sudden.  Honestly. Every time I've sat for 5 minutes and just looked around the room, I've seen something that I don't want in that particular spot anymore and have had to get up and move it immediately. Then I've seen something else and has to move that. And then something else and so on and on for most of the day when all I've really wanted to do today was lay on the settee reading and perhaps get in a cheeky afternoon nap. But as the boy will be home in about 1 hour and 48 minutes time, there doesn't seem an awful lot of point.  I have however, obtained myself a Star Trek 50th anniversary build a bear teddy bear for the cheeky price of 8 pounds lmao.
What a week it's been.  It's been one of the longest weeks I have ever know. It's seemed to just keep stretching out before me with the thought of getting to Saturday aka lay in day just seeming forever just out of my grasp.  It's been killing me.
I am so tired and full of cold (I never cope well with a cold. I turn into something that lives under a very snotty rock covered in a pile of equally snotty tissues in a stagnant pond). Work has been really hard. Not helped by Thursdays dramatic events. One work collegeue was off at a funeral. So we're already one down when another colleague and friend gets bloody dishwasher cleaning chemicals in her eyeball!!!!! Oh my goodness, we don't know what to do. Have we got an eye bath? No we blooming haven't. We just have to keep rinsing the stuff out of her eye and tell her to get to hospital. Meanwhile our cover has arrived to help us for service who upon being asked to wash up, declares she doesn't do washing up and asks if I have a hat. Yes, I have a hat I reply. Do you have a hat she asks me again. Yes, yes I do have a hat I again reply. It should be on your head was her non too helpful reply. I'm sorry, I've had far more important things going on than putting a hat on my head was my slightly pissed off reply. My work mates are still in shock. Hahahahaha. Whoops. Expecting internal memo to appear about the fact hats must be firmly stapled to our heads at all moments in the near future.
Anyway, after her majesty had left us after not even an hour, it fell to my boss and myself to do the work of 4 people. We did it my friends. We bloody did it. Quite how we did it I will not know to my dying day, but we bloody did it and are suffering for it I can tell you lol.
After having a week of a streaming nose that has needed blowing quite literally every 2 minutes, I all of a sudden found myself not even having time to blow off let alone blow my nose and wash my hands.  For the last 2 days, I have found myself with a major blockage in my ear which means I can't hear a damn thing nor tip my head forwards for fear of the pressure making my eyes burst out their sockets. But, we continue with life don't we.  Because we have to. The school runs to west bloody wickham still take place with a moaning myrtle of a child in the passenger seat. The washing up still needs to be done, the chilli con carne Friday still needs to be cooked, the school and work uniform needs to be washed, hung out, folded and put away, life my friends always seems to continue no matter how shit you feel and even when you do get those rare occasions to put your feet up and actually rest for a while, some kind of chemical in our Brian takes over and tells us to do all these unnecessary things like moving a picture from one side of the wall to the other....
hey ho lol, happy weekend everybody, lots of love
Xxx

It never does any good dredging up the past....

It never does any good dredging up the past you know.
 And how do I know this you might ask... Well, it's because for the last hour or so I have turned private investigator online trying to find everything I can about someone I last saw 8 years ago give or take a bit.
Someone that I still love and someone I let go for their own happiness not mine. Gosh. That really must be love.
What's that stupid expression...oh yes, "it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all".... Well, I can categorically confirm that actually, it's really not at all.
It's much better to have loved and kept hold of that love and not to have gone all noble and set them free. What a muppet!!!!
Let's call the object of my undying affection Bob.
Bob was and is quite simply the love of my life. My soul mate. My best friend. My whole world. My everything. And I let him go.
I wanted him to be happy about my own happiness.
I like to think of him often and picture him happy, running his own business (which from tonight's observations I know he is still doing) driving around London in his van, in his old work trousers and boots and high vis jacket and hard hat, smelling of hard work and those traffic light lolly pops irised to have when I was about 6. I'll never forget his smell, or the feel of him when we used to snuggle in the car or wrapped up in a duvet on the floor of whichever office or location he was building at the time. Sounds highly romantic I know lol but believe me, it really was.
He'd do anything for me. I asked for chocolate and it would be posted through my door along with a loaf of bread and a box of smokes for the morning.
Once he popped rollos through my letter box that he'd been scouring south east London for as I couldn't fine them. I opened the packet, ate the first one, opened the other end and wrapped up the last one for him. Yes. Yes I love him enough to give him my last rollo. Yes, I am really that sad and pathetic, but man I love that man.
I don't even know what's brought on this sudden surge of desperation.
The past has been hitting me with some quite large wallops round the head the past couple of weeks.
He was always who I turned to when I needed to mull stuff over because he got me. My bob. My studmuffin Bob.
God I love you Bob and I always will.

3 years later.....

Well, it's only been 3 years since my last post. I always do this. I start something off with great gusto and then think "hmmmm, well, I can't be bothered to do it now" but never mind, I'm back baby, I'm back.

Now, where am I??
It's Sunday night. The chilli con carne is bubbling away on the stove, only fools and horses is on the goggle box and the boy is in his arm chair being stared at by the cat.

Sunday isn't normally chilli con carne night. Chilli con carne night is always a Friday night, but this Friday, the boy wasn't here, so it's a good job I made sure the minced beef would last for a couple of extra days. The next big decision is going to be, do we have tangy cheese Doritos or cool original???

I can't actually remember what the last few posts I'd withered on about, were about.  Whatever they were about, I'm sure nothing much has changed in my life in those 3 years I've been absent.

I'm still single. Ooh I've had some pleasant shinnanigans with various people and been let down incredibly badly by the one person I never thought would hurt me so badly, but I'm still single because he's a knob jockey essentially and he'll be bloody miserable without me but that's his problem not mine.

I am now employed.  I work in a school kitchen. It's bloody hot, it's bloody heavy and it's bloody hard, but it's pretty awesome too.

So I suppose I'm now writing about the joys and pitfalls of being a single working mum with an autistic teenager. Wow!!!! That sounds almost as bad as it is!!!!!

I jest. It's ok. I'm surviving. I've not shoved my head in the oven at work and turned it on yet. I've shoved my head in it many times to clean it and turn my finger nails bright yellow with the chemical cleaner, but I've not shoved it in and turned it on yet, so things can't be THAT bad.

I'm plodding on. Pottering about. Surviving and most importantly still laughing even through the scynisism that seems to run through my veins like the nicotine and chocolate I constantly inhale.

Actually, that's a lie. I don't inhale chocolate with the alarming regularity I once was. In fact, I am now not allowed it at all. *pause for dramatic music*

Since February of this year, I have been following (for the most part) the new and improved Atkins diet and can I assure those sceptics out there, that it does bloody well work!!!!!!!

I am working in a kitchen most of the day, preparing and making from scratch and I am then coming
home and raiding my brand new shiny enormous fridge freezer for vegetables to turn into something delicious to scoff in the evening.  I had no idea so many things could be made with cauliflower. What you do if you follow the Atkins diet and don't like cauliflower I have no idea, but it's a jolly good thing I do I can tell you!!!

Pizza bases, cheesy breadsticks, mock potato mash, couscous, chocolate cake, haha only joking. There's no chocolate cake.... Or is there??? I must find out!!!!

Anyway, yes, it does work. I am currently 50 pounds lighter than I was in February so I must be doing something right. *pause for applause and embarrassed flush* I've still got a long long way to
go yet, but I'm getting there.
Slowly.
 Sometimes the cravings become so overwhelming all I want to do it sit and eat my weight in sausage rolls, cheese and onion hand cooked crisps and great slabs of hot chocolate fudge cake with ice cream on the side.  Not that I've thought about it much of course.

But on the whole, in the grand scheme of things, it's all going ok.

The boy is still alive, which believe me after some of the events we've been through together over the last few years, is quite an achievement!!!

He's just about to start year 9 at school would you ever.

Anyway, that's a different story for a different night. Dinner, the washing up and the Xfiles awaits me for tonight.

I do love the summer holidays!!!!