It never does any good dredging up the past....

It never does any good dredging up the past you know.
 And how do I know this you might ask... Well, it's because for the last hour or so I have turned private investigator online trying to find everything I can about someone I last saw 8 years ago give or take a bit.
Someone that I still love and someone I let go for their own happiness not mine. Gosh. That really must be love.
What's that stupid expression...oh yes, "it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all".... Well, I can categorically confirm that actually, it's really not at all.
It's much better to have loved and kept hold of that love and not to have gone all noble and set them free. What a muppet!!!!
Let's call the object of my undying affection Bob.
Bob was and is quite simply the love of my life. My soul mate. My best friend. My whole world. My everything. And I let him go.
I wanted him to be happy about my own happiness.
I like to think of him often and picture him happy, running his own business (which from tonight's observations I know he is still doing) driving around London in his van, in his old work trousers and boots and high vis jacket and hard hat, smelling of hard work and those traffic light lolly pops irised to have when I was about 6. I'll never forget his smell, or the feel of him when we used to snuggle in the car or wrapped up in a duvet on the floor of whichever office or location he was building at the time. Sounds highly romantic I know lol but believe me, it really was.
He'd do anything for me. I asked for chocolate and it would be posted through my door along with a loaf of bread and a box of smokes for the morning.
Once he popped rollos through my letter box that he'd been scouring south east London for as I couldn't fine them. I opened the packet, ate the first one, opened the other end and wrapped up the last one for him. Yes. Yes I love him enough to give him my last rollo. Yes, I am really that sad and pathetic, but man I love that man.
I don't even know what's brought on this sudden surge of desperation.
The past has been hitting me with some quite large wallops round the head the past couple of weeks.
He was always who I turned to when I needed to mull stuff over because he got me. My bob. My studmuffin Bob.
God I love you Bob and I always will.