What a week....

I wonder why it is that even though we might be absolutely utterly exhausted and in need of spending the weekend in our smelly pits of a bed, we women or maybe it's just me, suddenly have this unshakable urge to tidy up and rearrange the house all of a sudden.  Honestly. Every time I've sat for 5 minutes and just looked around the room, I've seen something that I don't want in that particular spot anymore and have had to get up and move it immediately. Then I've seen something else and has to move that. And then something else and so on and on for most of the day when all I've really wanted to do today was lay on the settee reading and perhaps get in a cheeky afternoon nap. But as the boy will be home in about 1 hour and 48 minutes time, there doesn't seem an awful lot of point.  I have however, obtained myself a Star Trek 50th anniversary build a bear teddy bear for the cheeky price of 8 pounds lmao.
What a week it's been.  It's been one of the longest weeks I have ever know. It's seemed to just keep stretching out before me with the thought of getting to Saturday aka lay in day just seeming forever just out of my grasp.  It's been killing me.
I am so tired and full of cold (I never cope well with a cold. I turn into something that lives under a very snotty rock covered in a pile of equally snotty tissues in a stagnant pond). Work has been really hard. Not helped by Thursdays dramatic events. One work collegeue was off at a funeral. So we're already one down when another colleague and friend gets bloody dishwasher cleaning chemicals in her eyeball!!!!! Oh my goodness, we don't know what to do. Have we got an eye bath? No we blooming haven't. We just have to keep rinsing the stuff out of her eye and tell her to get to hospital. Meanwhile our cover has arrived to help us for service who upon being asked to wash up, declares she doesn't do washing up and asks if I have a hat. Yes, I have a hat I reply. Do you have a hat she asks me again. Yes, yes I do have a hat I again reply. It should be on your head was her non too helpful reply. I'm sorry, I've had far more important things going on than putting a hat on my head was my slightly pissed off reply. My work mates are still in shock. Hahahahaha. Whoops. Expecting internal memo to appear about the fact hats must be firmly stapled to our heads at all moments in the near future.
Anyway, after her majesty had left us after not even an hour, it fell to my boss and myself to do the work of 4 people. We did it my friends. We bloody did it. Quite how we did it I will not know to my dying day, but we bloody did it and are suffering for it I can tell you lol.
After having a week of a streaming nose that has needed blowing quite literally every 2 minutes, I all of a sudden found myself not even having time to blow off let alone blow my nose and wash my hands.  For the last 2 days, I have found myself with a major blockage in my ear which means I can't hear a damn thing nor tip my head forwards for fear of the pressure making my eyes burst out their sockets. But, we continue with life don't we.  Because we have to. The school runs to west bloody wickham still take place with a moaning myrtle of a child in the passenger seat. The washing up still needs to be done, the chilli con carne Friday still needs to be cooked, the school and work uniform needs to be washed, hung out, folded and put away, life my friends always seems to continue no matter how shit you feel and even when you do get those rare occasions to put your feet up and actually rest for a while, some kind of chemical in our Brian takes over and tells us to do all these unnecessary things like moving a picture from one side of the wall to the other....
hey ho lol, happy weekend everybody, lots of love
Xxx

It never does any good dredging up the past....

It never does any good dredging up the past you know.
 And how do I know this you might ask... Well, it's because for the last hour or so I have turned private investigator online trying to find everything I can about someone I last saw 8 years ago give or take a bit.
Someone that I still love and someone I let go for their own happiness not mine. Gosh. That really must be love.
What's that stupid expression...oh yes, "it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all".... Well, I can categorically confirm that actually, it's really not at all.
It's much better to have loved and kept hold of that love and not to have gone all noble and set them free. What a muppet!!!!
Let's call the object of my undying affection Bob.
Bob was and is quite simply the love of my life. My soul mate. My best friend. My whole world. My everything. And I let him go.
I wanted him to be happy about my own happiness.
I like to think of him often and picture him happy, running his own business (which from tonight's observations I know he is still doing) driving around London in his van, in his old work trousers and boots and high vis jacket and hard hat, smelling of hard work and those traffic light lolly pops irised to have when I was about 6. I'll never forget his smell, or the feel of him when we used to snuggle in the car or wrapped up in a duvet on the floor of whichever office or location he was building at the time. Sounds highly romantic I know lol but believe me, it really was.
He'd do anything for me. I asked for chocolate and it would be posted through my door along with a loaf of bread and a box of smokes for the morning.
Once he popped rollos through my letter box that he'd been scouring south east London for as I couldn't fine them. I opened the packet, ate the first one, opened the other end and wrapped up the last one for him. Yes. Yes I love him enough to give him my last rollo. Yes, I am really that sad and pathetic, but man I love that man.
I don't even know what's brought on this sudden surge of desperation.
The past has been hitting me with some quite large wallops round the head the past couple of weeks.
He was always who I turned to when I needed to mull stuff over because he got me. My bob. My studmuffin Bob.
God I love you Bob and I always will.

3 years later.....

Well, it's only been 3 years since my last post. I always do this. I start something off with great gusto and then think "hmmmm, well, I can't be bothered to do it now" but never mind, I'm back baby, I'm back.

Now, where am I??
It's Sunday night. The chilli con carne is bubbling away on the stove, only fools and horses is on the goggle box and the boy is in his arm chair being stared at by the cat.

Sunday isn't normally chilli con carne night. Chilli con carne night is always a Friday night, but this Friday, the boy wasn't here, so it's a good job I made sure the minced beef would last for a couple of extra days. The next big decision is going to be, do we have tangy cheese Doritos or cool original???

I can't actually remember what the last few posts I'd withered on about, were about.  Whatever they were about, I'm sure nothing much has changed in my life in those 3 years I've been absent.

I'm still single. Ooh I've had some pleasant shinnanigans with various people and been let down incredibly badly by the one person I never thought would hurt me so badly, but I'm still single because he's a knob jockey essentially and he'll be bloody miserable without me but that's his problem not mine.

I am now employed.  I work in a school kitchen. It's bloody hot, it's bloody heavy and it's bloody hard, but it's pretty awesome too.

So I suppose I'm now writing about the joys and pitfalls of being a single working mum with an autistic teenager. Wow!!!! That sounds almost as bad as it is!!!!!

I jest. It's ok. I'm surviving. I've not shoved my head in the oven at work and turned it on yet. I've shoved my head in it many times to clean it and turn my finger nails bright yellow with the chemical cleaner, but I've not shoved it in and turned it on yet, so things can't be THAT bad.

I'm plodding on. Pottering about. Surviving and most importantly still laughing even through the scynisism that seems to run through my veins like the nicotine and chocolate I constantly inhale.

Actually, that's a lie. I don't inhale chocolate with the alarming regularity I once was. In fact, I am now not allowed it at all. *pause for dramatic music*

Since February of this year, I have been following (for the most part) the new and improved Atkins diet and can I assure those sceptics out there, that it does bloody well work!!!!!!!

I am working in a kitchen most of the day, preparing and making from scratch and I am then coming
home and raiding my brand new shiny enormous fridge freezer for vegetables to turn into something delicious to scoff in the evening.  I had no idea so many things could be made with cauliflower. What you do if you follow the Atkins diet and don't like cauliflower I have no idea, but it's a jolly good thing I do I can tell you!!!

Pizza bases, cheesy breadsticks, mock potato mash, couscous, chocolate cake, haha only joking. There's no chocolate cake.... Or is there??? I must find out!!!!

Anyway, yes, it does work. I am currently 50 pounds lighter than I was in February so I must be doing something right. *pause for applause and embarrassed flush* I've still got a long long way to
go yet, but I'm getting there.
Slowly.
 Sometimes the cravings become so overwhelming all I want to do it sit and eat my weight in sausage rolls, cheese and onion hand cooked crisps and great slabs of hot chocolate fudge cake with ice cream on the side.  Not that I've thought about it much of course.

But on the whole, in the grand scheme of things, it's all going ok.

The boy is still alive, which believe me after some of the events we've been through together over the last few years, is quite an achievement!!!

He's just about to start year 9 at school would you ever.

Anyway, that's a different story for a different night. Dinner, the washing up and the Xfiles awaits me for tonight.

I do love the summer holidays!!!!

2013 has been a funny year so far.  In a good way, but still funny. Funny strange, not funny haha mind you. I can honestly say I have never felt more happy, content and self assured. I still have my huge moments of insecurity and self consciousness, as we all do I suppose, but I am finally getting to the point where I really don't give a monkeys whether someone doesn't like the fact I have worn shorts on the school run. And for me, that's a huge thing. I have always been very concious of my size and have tried to hide myself away and dress accordingly. Taking into consideration the thoughts and opinions of me of people that don't even know me and that I don't actually even know myself. I have always thought that I would be looked at in absolute disgust if I wore a skirt or a tight top or got my legs out for the summer, but I am slowly learning that actually, these people aren't judging me at all. They are far too busy with their own lives to even give a second thought as to what I'm wearing, or what colour my hair is or whether they like it short or not. The only people that I see that may possibly say or think something about e, are people that belong in my past, and really should be taking a good hard look at their own physical appearance and personal hygiene.  They are nothing to do with me any longer and their thoughts and whatever they may have to say about me should not concern nor bother me. And it doesn't any more. Strange how the person that was once the centre of my world is now nothing more to me than a passing glimpse and actually feelings of pity arise from their whole situation.
Anyway, I didn't intend to start writing about them today, I was saying about how great and strange this year has been thus far.
I seem to have found an inner peace and happiness and I'm actually quite annoyed with myself that this week, it has already started slipping thanks to the introduction of a man possibly into my life.  Where has all this great stuff I have found inside me gone? It's like it has dissipated into the night without a trace and I feel stupid and annoyed at myself for feeling like this and for allowing someone to MAKE me feel like this after all this time. I let someone into my life and home and gave them feelings and let him hold me and make a connection with him and he's buggered off and vanished and left me with all these stupid feelings of annoyance and insecurity. All my strength that I gained, has gone again. I can feel myself making excuses for him in my head but really I know, it was a flash in the pan and he got what he wanted from me and I let him. Cause I always do. I always bloody do. I thought we had something, I thought we had a connection, but now i realise again that really he's a clever man that can read people and get inside their heads. It was my birthday yesterday. He told me he would see me later. He didn't show up. He didn't text. I have never been stood up in my life so this is a proper first for me. And what a night to do it. That's something my elephant like memory wont ever let me forget isn't it.  Maybe it's my own fault for being so eager, for being so flipping gullible and for believing him and thinking that actually maybe he thought the same as I did, that we might have something. Clearly not. Silly Alli.
I was SO strong. I was SO on my own, not letting anyone inside as I didn't want to be used or hurt or made to feel this way again, and here we go again. It's happened all over again.  I should have known. This is the reason I have kept myself private. Not let myself be hugged or kissed or held in any way because I miss it so so much when it's not there any more. It's been so damn long since I've been held that way. If ever and now I've allowed it again, I can't seem to get it out of my head. My bed feels empty and cold after being held all night by loving arms and now it's big and empty again.  My evenings are a mess of thoughts running through my head that weren't there before Monday and haven't been there since I told Alan to get stuffed.  He didn't give a monkey's uncle whether I was around or not. I wasn't an x box so I didn't get a look in even after what I did with him and felt with him. He obviously wasn't the man I thought he was either. See, the problems only occur when I let a man into my life.  without them I'm fine. I'm great, I'm happy and confident and I love myself. As soon as one comes along, it's back to square one again with thousands of little niggling doubts and insecurities and I don't want that for me. I deserve so much better and more than that.  I really do. I've been hurt too much by people that didn't deserve my love, affection or time and I wont let this happen to me again. I've taken too long to climb out the hole I was put in by everyone I have ever been with. Sod this, I'm not doing it any more even if it means I am on my own for the rest of my life, I don't want this any more.

I think I'm going to scream!!!!!

I haven't written for a little while, I've not really had either the time on the inclination really. Plus the fact I've completely forgotten about this little waffly outlet I have here.
Lots going on since the last time I wrote though. I've had flat car batteries and been trapped indoors for 6 days solid (oh my god, please don't ever let me go through that ever ever again), I couldn't leave the damn house in case the new battery turned up and I missed it, The irony was, that one day, when I hadn't left the house at all, the delivery company apparently came to make their delivery and left me a card as i was out!!!!!!! give me strength!!!!!! I did pretty well the first couple of days. I managed to contain myself the first couple of days even though it meant I had let me friends down as I couldn't get to them to meet them which i hated, but I started packing for my imminent holiday and tidied ad cleaned the house till you could eat your dinner out the toilet. I ordered my shopping on line for the first time ever!! wow how exciting was that!!!! scrolling up and down the pages picking out all the bargains on offer, I'm sure I didn't stick to my list online either!!!
By the 6th day I was truly going bonkers and had various arguments with various people over the phone asking where the bloody hell my battery was. 7.30 pm it arrived. 7.30!!!!!! I ask you.  I'll tell you what though, by 8pm we were sat in the car and on our way for a long drive via the petrol station for chocolate and petrol.  Mark fed me squares of galaxy as I drove and my god it was amazing. when you've not had chocolate for weeks at a time, that first taste of melting chocolate in your car with the music blaring and the wind in your hair, oh my goodness, it's pretty close to orgasmic (although I think I've forgotten what that feels like to  be honest - it's been well over a year since any shenanigans like that occurred in my house).  Strangely enough, I think I spent the next few days out and about regaining my freedom, but the usual overwhelming sense of depression and despair had got hold of me despite my best efforts to stave it off.  I'm only just coming out the other side of this most recent bout actually.  I hate it. I hate it so much, but I know there's not an awful lot I can do other than to try and keep myself busy and try and get on with normal life as best I can. To sit and wallow and comfort eat is the worst thing I can possibly do even thought that's what I actually want to do.  You know what drives me absolutely fucking bonkers is when people use their depression for attention seeking purposes,  from the moment i feel the waves of despair and tiredness coming upon me, I'm there fighting it at all costs and trying not to inflict it on too many other people so I don't drag them down too, but there are some people, that play on it. they advertise to the world that they are feeling all woe is me and then blame their friends for them being down.  not on. that's just not on at all. I know for a fact, I wouldn't be sitting here typing this if it hadn't have been for my friends and the fact they understood and were there for me every step of the way whether I was happy or sad. when I was sitting here with a knife cutting my arms because I felt so out of control and miserable I thought it was all I deserved. when I was being abused on a daily basis, made to feel like shit, fat and ugly and useless, being accused of all kinds of things and used for financial gain and as a plaything, THAT, That leaves you feeling down. bloody hell it leaves you with nothing left inside you, just an empty shell. An emptiness and vacantness that you cant fill with anything or anyone coz you've been left to rot from the inside out. that is feeling down. A headache and feeling a bit sad??? fuck off and come and live in my world for a while love. I've fought these feelings, I've fought being made to feel like shit, I've fought cutting myself and starving myself and making myself ill to make others who were completely unworthy of anything happy for a few moments. I've come back from all of that so my love that does nothing but makes cakes and fucking eats them cox she's a bit sad, when i have a distinct lack of sympathy for you, that is the very reason.  The fact I'm still here is a testimony to the love of my friends, and maybe a bit of stubbornness and frigging hard work from me.  I'm now happy and content with my life just as it is. there is no one ever that i will let make me feel that way ever ever again. no way, I'm am worth so much more than that. never ever again.
I think that's the reason I get so flaming annoyed with Mark when he acts like the dominant male in the house. I hate to tell him, but I'm the dominant one in this house thank you very much young man.  Cor we've had some dramas with him recently.  He just doesn't listen to a single thing you tell him. When was the last time we made a cake....I'm not sure but it wasn't that long ago and I'm sure it was purple...yes, it was, because we had a discussion about food colouring and that you put it IN food not ON food. Today, we spend hours making a carrot cake (I've never made a carrot cake in my life, but he asked if we could make one yesterday and I found a fab recipe on line last night) Ages we were in the kitchen for. In fact I think I've spent most of my day in the kitchen washing up and tidying up.  We made the cake, it went fairly well.....we popped to tesco (what a result, got a whole weeks shopping for £12 odd with various vouchers and what not, get in!!!!) we had most of the tesco staff following us round trying to work out what the heck cream cheese is (as per the recipe). Turns out...after all 6 of us were at a loss, that it is soft cheese, like Philadelphia - really??? Philadelphia is the main ingredient of carrot cake topping. I never knew that. I bloody hate Philadelphia, but you know what...on a carrot cake it is bloody lush.  (I know coz I tried some). Anyway, I digress.....we spent fecking hours on this cake. I turn my back for 2 seconds and the boy has green and orange food colouring all over the top of this cake trying to make a carrot. Needless to say - cake = fucked. The boy then gets the arse and stomps upstairs threatening to kill himself because he ruined the cake.  Hang on, shouldn't it be ME that stomped upstairs with the arse??? Couple of hours this wobbly went on for. In the meantime, I popped outside for a fag and returned to find the bloody cat licking the smegging icing off the top of the cake. Don't tell the boy, but I scrapped the icing off the top and put some more on without telling him about the cat licking episode.  Shhhhhhhh!!!!!!
The problem is, he just either doesn't listen, or just cannot stop fiddling with things. If he didn't fiddle with everything, he wouldn't get in such a flaming mess. Last week, while we were dog sitting on the way to my parents, we were in the park and he was talking about putting a lock on his phone, like a password thingy.  I advised him that it really wasn't a very good idea as he would be quite likely to forget the code and wouldn;t ever be able to get into his phone ever again.  Literally 2 minutes later, he's throwing an absolute paddy in the car, whacking his head, tears, the end of the world etc etc etc because, low and behold, he has locked his phone and cant get back into it,  3 hours later, after I'd phoned Virgin customer services for a PUK code, he is back  in........seriously, the boy is absolutely doing my nut in.  I think I'm going absolutely bonkers and that I may have to scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my goodness!  I am actually typing this on my phone! Oh my goodness.  I'm gobsmacked! Me who is so absolutely crap with all things technical am typing this on my phone.  Wow.  I have downloaded all kinds of goodies and kind of know how to use them.   Every thing that's on my laptop is on my phone.  I am truly amazed!
It's absolutely blooming freezing today and I've been trying to find a way to stop my cat weeing on my new seeds that I spent ages digging a piece of fresh earth to put in. Bastard thing.  He's spent the last few weeks throwing up all over the place and now he's weeing on my seeds.   Grrr.  Love him, but he's on  dangerous ground.  As is my child.   Maybe it's all children that are very ungrateful, but he has had the weekend entirely devoted to him and he's still a shite.  His bedroom is freezing and I can't work out why.   And im trying to decide whether I need to go shopping tomorrow or if I can hold off until Wednesday.   This is the excitement of my life right now.   Riveting stuff hey lol.
Why is his bedroom so darn cold and why have I just received a phone call from Swansea? ?? ? What on earth is going on? ? The day is getting stranger and stranger. ...
Maybe it's aliens. ..maybe it's the doctor. ..oh my goodness hahaha it could be the doctor! ! He's always in Wales! ! I might have just hung up on the doctor. ...oh no!!! Maybe he was going to help me warm up the bedroom. ...cor I wish hahaha. ....

Just a hunch but I don't think the bottom of my washing up bowl should be orange.  Time to get cracking on the house work at sometime soon me thinks. I need to get in the child's bedroom but I'm not sure I want to see what's under that bed of his.  It'll either be some kind of creature from the black lagoon reaching out to grab me by the throat or a cosovan family that have been squatting rent free.  I really do shudder at the thought.
The front room isn't too bad right now, the dust bunnies seem to be doing what bunnies do best and multiplying by the second and i seem to have shapes and pictures drawn in the screen of the tv, but I suppose those are easier got rid off if only I could summon the motivation to get  of my rather ample backside and do it.
All I actually seem to want to do right now is bloody eat.  I cant stop. It's like an addiction that I simple cant get enough of.  From the moment I wake up till the time i go to sleep (accompanied by a doctor who audiobook) i am thinking about food.  This is SO wrong.  Im blowing up like a boil as each day goes by. It's terrible. I know I should be eating my low GI diet for my poly cystic whatsists, but all I seem to want is a good pastie and haribo.  I keep saying to myself, "tomorrow I'll get back on track" but I never do, or if I do, I do well all day and then the fruit pastilles call me from the cupboard to eat them one by one until they are gone and i feel quite sick, and then lay in bed listening to my audio book wondering why i cant get to sleep....Erm...sugar rush me thinks!!!! what a plum!!!!
Right now, the boy is out on his bike. I'm waiting for him to return any moment because the chain has plopped off again.  I am slightly suspicious of the fact he has made his own bed this morning and a bit pissed off he appears to have pinched my tesco pyrex stickers from my purse.  I'll probably find them incorporated into the door of stickers that leads to the pit of doom other wise known as his bedroom.  I might actually pop up and have a looky in a second.  In the meantime, i'll sit on my bum wondering why i am watching bargain hunt.  Has my life really come to this??? Sitting on the living room carpet writing to no one watching bargain hunt?? Im 32 dam it - not 75.  I hate bargain hunt!!! That stupid man with his stupid glasses with his stupid unfunny cringe worthy comments...urgh.....It's almost as bad as that nasty creepy David "i just stepped out of a vat of doritos" dickinson on the other side.  Why am i even watching it?? get off your fat arse Alli and go and DO something. Put some music on and go wash the bottom of your orange washing up bowl and prepare for bike chain fixing.

ten past ten on good friday, we have been up for about an hour (ish) and the child is doing my nut in already. All i can seem to think about is chocolate hot cross buns from jolly old marks and spencers and the fact that when ever i want to listen to something on the old goggle box, the child seems to read my thoughts and rev up a gear so i cant hear a damn thing, purely because he isnt allowed his programmes on yet. Grrrrrr
I'll be honest and say I dont even know why i'm doing this. A friend on facebook told me my posts always make her laugh and i should write a blog. So as a definate follower and not a leader....here i am...my own blog....ive never read a blog before, ive never written a blog before....i had no idea what on earth a blog was until last night when i had to google it.  So what on earth am i doing with my own one????  I dont even know if anyone can see what im waffling or if anyone is interested in the slightest. All i am aware of at this very moment in time is the fact my childs breath absolutely fecking stinks and that he is clearly going for the record of how quickly he can piss me off in one morning.
i am aware that people think i am very heartless when i speak of my child in this way. believe me, i am his mum and i would kill for him. id do time quite happily to make sure he was happy and safe and settled and secure and has a good furture and that he is loved. BUT and it's a very big but....he is the most annoying attention seeking little boy you could ever wish to meet. I know him inside out and know when his aspergers has kicked in and he isnt in control of his actions, and whether he is actually just being an annoying attention seeking drama queen.  There is a distinct look in his eyes when he is in his aspergers bubble. Its a far away distant look, where he cant focus on anything, he doesnt hear anything, its like an empty paper bag. Theres just nothing there.
Everything he does has an ulterior motive, he sits in his armchair and glance over at me, even when now when im typing this load of twaddle, i can see him glancing over at me, to see what im doing and whether i am paying any attention to him and what he is doing. He knows this annoys the fuck out of me. Beleive it or not, i am quite a private person and to constantly be watched and looked at absolutely does me in. Its an invasion of my privacy in my eyes and i hate it.  Still i suppose it serves me right for all the many years i have spent staring with undying love into my latest hearts desires' eyes thinking "wow just too good to be true, cant take my eyes off of you....da da da da da da da da da....." you know that song, dont pretend you dont. it'll be in your head all day now...... i never realised how damn irritating it is.

I suppose i had better go an haul my lardy arse upstairs for a bath.  Have a good day my lovely xxx

I should probably start this thing by introducing myself.  I am Alli. I am 32, a single parent of a 10 year old son with aspergers syndrome, the owner of 2 cats and a beaten up old car called Bertie and a laptop with a g key that keeps sticking.

I am divorced from my husband of 4 years affectionately known as Tosser (but dont tell him) who I could cheerfully stab hard with a fork at times for his sheer stupidity and bleurghness. If it wasn’t for my son, i would have walked away and never seen the creature again for the past 8 years, but i have to be polite…sometimes…..when i i’ve not been so wound up that my eyeballs almost literally pop out of my head from withholding the screams of annoyance and frustration.

There are currently no men in my life at all (other than the cat – no not like that filthy!!!) but believe me I’ve managed to find my fair share of fuckwits over the years…and it looks like there is going to be a steady stream of them until the day I pop my clogs.  

My child is more than enough of a handful. He currently has the hump and has just stomped upstairs because i said no to him having a biscuit. Don’t be too sympathetic…he has just stuffed in a raisin and shortbread yorkie…..see…..he doesn’t need a flipping biscuit on top of that does he. Considering that not 10 minutes ago, he was on the loo telling me he thought he had diarrhea…..not too harsh a thing for me to say, i don’t think, as in the word no…..he didn’t need a biscuit. End of. Get the hump. I’m not changing my mind just because you stomp up the stairs.

i think you can see the way this blog is going to go. It is going to be ( as it says on the tin) a rambling lot of waffle about my day to day life and what goes on inside my slightly warped mind. If you are suicidal and are thinking about sticking your head in the oven to end it all…..I wouldn’t carry on reading if Im honest as it doesn’t get much better or any more exciting.

 That’s all I can think of to introduce myself. Not highly exciting I’m afraid but a bit better than watching paint dry