Oh my goodness!  I am actually typing this on my phone! Oh my goodness.  I'm gobsmacked! Me who is so absolutely crap with all things technical am typing this on my phone.  Wow.  I have downloaded all kinds of goodies and kind of know how to use them.   Every thing that's on my laptop is on my phone.  I am truly amazed!
It's absolutely blooming freezing today and I've been trying to find a way to stop my cat weeing on my new seeds that I spent ages digging a piece of fresh earth to put in. Bastard thing.  He's spent the last few weeks throwing up all over the place and now he's weeing on my seeds.   Grrr.  Love him, but he's on  dangerous ground.  As is my child.   Maybe it's all children that are very ungrateful, but he has had the weekend entirely devoted to him and he's still a shite.  His bedroom is freezing and I can't work out why.   And im trying to decide whether I need to go shopping tomorrow or if I can hold off until Wednesday.   This is the excitement of my life right now.   Riveting stuff hey lol.
Why is his bedroom so darn cold and why have I just received a phone call from Swansea? ?? ? What on earth is going on? ? The day is getting stranger and stranger. ...
Maybe it's aliens. ..maybe it's the doctor. ..oh my goodness hahaha it could be the doctor! ! He's always in Wales! ! I might have just hung up on the doctor. ...oh no!!! Maybe he was going to help me warm up the bedroom. ...cor I wish hahaha. ....

Just a hunch but I don't think the bottom of my washing up bowl should be orange.  Time to get cracking on the house work at sometime soon me thinks. I need to get in the child's bedroom but I'm not sure I want to see what's under that bed of his.  It'll either be some kind of creature from the black lagoon reaching out to grab me by the throat or a cosovan family that have been squatting rent free.  I really do shudder at the thought.
The front room isn't too bad right now, the dust bunnies seem to be doing what bunnies do best and multiplying by the second and i seem to have shapes and pictures drawn in the screen of the tv, but I suppose those are easier got rid off if only I could summon the motivation to get  of my rather ample backside and do it.
All I actually seem to want to do right now is bloody eat.  I cant stop. It's like an addiction that I simple cant get enough of.  From the moment I wake up till the time i go to sleep (accompanied by a doctor who audiobook) i am thinking about food.  This is SO wrong.  Im blowing up like a boil as each day goes by. It's terrible. I know I should be eating my low GI diet for my poly cystic whatsists, but all I seem to want is a good pastie and haribo.  I keep saying to myself, "tomorrow I'll get back on track" but I never do, or if I do, I do well all day and then the fruit pastilles call me from the cupboard to eat them one by one until they are gone and i feel quite sick, and then lay in bed listening to my audio book wondering why i cant get to sleep....Erm...sugar rush me thinks!!!! what a plum!!!!
Right now, the boy is out on his bike. I'm waiting for him to return any moment because the chain has plopped off again.  I am slightly suspicious of the fact he has made his own bed this morning and a bit pissed off he appears to have pinched my tesco pyrex stickers from my purse.  I'll probably find them incorporated into the door of stickers that leads to the pit of doom other wise known as his bedroom.  I might actually pop up and have a looky in a second.  In the meantime, i'll sit on my bum wondering why i am watching bargain hunt.  Has my life really come to this??? Sitting on the living room carpet writing to no one watching bargain hunt?? Im 32 dam it - not 75.  I hate bargain hunt!!! That stupid man with his stupid glasses with his stupid unfunny cringe worthy comments...urgh.....It's almost as bad as that nasty creepy David "i just stepped out of a vat of doritos" dickinson on the other side.  Why am i even watching it?? get off your fat arse Alli and go and DO something. Put some music on and go wash the bottom of your orange washing up bowl and prepare for bike chain fixing.

ten past ten on good friday, we have been up for about an hour (ish) and the child is doing my nut in already. All i can seem to think about is chocolate hot cross buns from jolly old marks and spencers and the fact that when ever i want to listen to something on the old goggle box, the child seems to read my thoughts and rev up a gear so i cant hear a damn thing, purely because he isnt allowed his programmes on yet. Grrrrrr
I'll be honest and say I dont even know why i'm doing this. A friend on facebook told me my posts always make her laugh and i should write a blog. So as a definate follower and not a leader....here i am...my own blog....ive never read a blog before, ive never written a blog before....i had no idea what on earth a blog was until last night when i had to google it.  So what on earth am i doing with my own one????  I dont even know if anyone can see what im waffling or if anyone is interested in the slightest. All i am aware of at this very moment in time is the fact my childs breath absolutely fecking stinks and that he is clearly going for the record of how quickly he can piss me off in one morning.
i am aware that people think i am very heartless when i speak of my child in this way. believe me, i am his mum and i would kill for him. id do time quite happily to make sure he was happy and safe and settled and secure and has a good furture and that he is loved. BUT and it's a very big but....he is the most annoying attention seeking little boy you could ever wish to meet. I know him inside out and know when his aspergers has kicked in and he isnt in control of his actions, and whether he is actually just being an annoying attention seeking drama queen.  There is a distinct look in his eyes when he is in his aspergers bubble. Its a far away distant look, where he cant focus on anything, he doesnt hear anything, its like an empty paper bag. Theres just nothing there.
Everything he does has an ulterior motive, he sits in his armchair and glance over at me, even when now when im typing this load of twaddle, i can see him glancing over at me, to see what im doing and whether i am paying any attention to him and what he is doing. He knows this annoys the fuck out of me. Beleive it or not, i am quite a private person and to constantly be watched and looked at absolutely does me in. Its an invasion of my privacy in my eyes and i hate it.  Still i suppose it serves me right for all the many years i have spent staring with undying love into my latest hearts desires' eyes thinking "wow just too good to be true, cant take my eyes off of you....da da da da da da da da da....." you know that song, dont pretend you dont. it'll be in your head all day now...... i never realised how damn irritating it is.

I suppose i had better go an haul my lardy arse upstairs for a bath.  Have a good day my lovely xxx

I should probably start this thing by introducing myself.  I am Alli. I am 32, a single parent of a 10 year old son with aspergers syndrome, the owner of 2 cats and a beaten up old car called Bertie and a laptop with a g key that keeps sticking.

I am divorced from my husband of 4 years affectionately known as Tosser (but dont tell him) who I could cheerfully stab hard with a fork at times for his sheer stupidity and bleurghness. If it wasn’t for my son, i would have walked away and never seen the creature again for the past 8 years, but i have to be polite…sometimes…..when i i’ve not been so wound up that my eyeballs almost literally pop out of my head from withholding the screams of annoyance and frustration.

There are currently no men in my life at all (other than the cat – no not like that filthy!!!) but believe me I’ve managed to find my fair share of fuckwits over the years…and it looks like there is going to be a steady stream of them until the day I pop my clogs.  

My child is more than enough of a handful. He currently has the hump and has just stomped upstairs because i said no to him having a biscuit. Don’t be too sympathetic…he has just stuffed in a raisin and shortbread yorkie…..see…..he doesn’t need a flipping biscuit on top of that does he. Considering that not 10 minutes ago, he was on the loo telling me he thought he had diarrhea…..not too harsh a thing for me to say, i don’t think, as in the word no…..he didn’t need a biscuit. End of. Get the hump. I’m not changing my mind just because you stomp up the stairs.

i think you can see the way this blog is going to go. It is going to be ( as it says on the tin) a rambling lot of waffle about my day to day life and what goes on inside my slightly warped mind. If you are suicidal and are thinking about sticking your head in the oven to end it all…..I wouldn’t carry on reading if Im honest as it doesn’t get much better or any more exciting.

 That’s all I can think of to introduce myself. Not highly exciting I’m afraid but a bit better than watching paint dry